For most of my life, I thought something was wrong with me.
Not in a dramatic way. Not in a way that stopped me from working, building businesses, or being successful on paper. But in a quiet, persistent way — the kind that shows up when you’re constantly trying to fix yourself, explain yourself, or fit into systems that never quite feel right.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized something that changed everything:
What I thought were my flaws were never flaws at all.
They were signals.
And that realization is what ultimately led me to identify the 10 leadership and energy styles I now teach and speak about.
But it didn’t start in a boardroom.
It started on a school field.
A Lesson I Didn’t Know I Was Learning
Growing up in private school, we had something called Field Day every year. Everyone was required to participate, and the rule was simple: you had to choose three different athletic competitions.
Some girls knew exactly what to do.
The runners signed up for sprints or long-distance races.
The strong ones chose jumping events like long jump or high jump.
Others gravitated toward throwing events like shot put or softball throw.
They played to their strengths instinctively.
And then there was me.
I chose the least terrifying options. I ran long distance and made myself sick. I tried jumping and thought I did well — until someone beat me. I tried throwing and didn’t even score on the chart.
No matter what I picked, I was always almost good, but never the best.
Years later, in high school, we were testing physical endurance in gym class. When we got to the flexed-arm hang — the exercise where you hang from a bar using only your arms — I beat the boys’ time.
Same body.
Different measurement.
It turns out, I had endurance.
Just not the kind anyone had been looking for.
Trying to Be Good at Everything
Like many women, I tried everything growing up. Volleyball. Basketball. Cheerleading.
Basketball never worked for me — not because I lacked athleticism, but because I wasn’t confrontational. I didn’t want to fight for space. That wasn’t my energy.
Volleyball was fine.
Cheerleading, though? That’s where I thrived.
It was rhythmic. Structured. Energizing. Collaborative. I could memorize routines, bring momentum, and lift the entire group.
And when I look back now, the pattern is obvious.
Each of us had one piece of the puzzle.
Layered together, we were complete.
But individually, we were measured as if we should all excel at the same things.
Why This Isn’t About Sports
I’m not telling this story because it’s about athletics.
I’m telling it because we intuitively understand physical differences — but we struggle to accept energetic ones.
We don’t shame a long-distance runner for not being a shot-putter. We accept that bodies are built differently.
Yet somehow, when it comes to work, leadership, and productivity, we assume everyone should succeed in the same way.
That assumption causes quiet damage.
The Lesson We Were Never Taught
Growing up, we were taught to identify surface-level strengths:
- math or English
- sports or arts
- structure or creativity
What we weren’t taught was far more important:
- how we naturally engage with work
- how we make decisions
- what happens to us under pressure
- what kind of structure helps us thrive
Instead, most of us were handed a single definition of leadership and success. And when we didn’t fit it, we assumed the problem was us.
That’s where the labels creep in:
- too much
- too slow
- too emotional
- not detailed enough
- doesn’t finish things
- micromanager
- scattered
I’ve carried many of those labels myself.
A Career That Looked Successful — and Still Felt Off
Professionally, I’ve spent about 20 years in publishing, marketing, brand strategy, and digital media. I’ve built websites, developed brands, led trainings, taught classes, and now publish multiple monthly and annual publications.
I’ve been an employee.
I’ve been part of teams.
I’ve worked as a fractional marketing officer inside companies.
I’ve managed contractors.
I’ve seen leadership from nearly every angle.
And yet, for a long time, I believed I wasn’t “good at leadership” — especially the traditional, hierarchical kind.
What I didn’t understand then was this: I wasn’t failing at leadership. I was trying to lead in a way that didn’t match my energy.
Because I didn’t see my strengths clearly, I undercharged. I undervalued myself. I entered unhealthy or misaligned business relationships. I expected other people to show up the way I did — and mirrored my own insecurities when they didn’t.
It wasn’t that I was bad with people.
It was that I was entering the room wrong for who I actually am.
The Reframe That Changed Everything
When I finally stopped asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
and started asking, “What is this trying to tell me?”
everything shifted.
I realized I’m an incredible collaborator. A visionary. A catalyst.
Yes, I don’t finish everything.
That’s because I’m meant to start things.
Yes, I take on multiple projects at once.
That’s because I’m designed to activate momentum, not maintain repetition.
Once I stopped judging those traits, I could finally use them properly — and partner with people whose strengths complemented mine instead of competing with them.
That realization was the seed.
How the 10 Leadership Styles Were Born
As I studied myself more deeply — and began noticing the same patterns in other women — something became clear.
The challenges we experience at work aren’t random.
They’re patterned.
The way we engage with work.
The way we make decisions.
How we respond to pressure.
The structure we need to succeed.
These patterns repeat.
Over time, I began to see the same energetic configurations show up again and again — not as personalities, not as labels, but as leadership orientations.
That’s how the 10 leadership and energy styles emerged.
They’re not about fixing anyone.
They’re about recognition.
Because when we stop forcing ourselves into roles we were never built for, leadership stops feeling like failure — and starts feeling like alignment.
What Comes Next
This post isn’t about naming or explaining the 10 styles themselves. That deserves its own space.
This is about the why.
About understanding that you were never broken — you were just measured incorrectly.
In the next post, I’ll walk through the 10 leadership styles, how they show up in work and life, and how to recognize yourself without judgment.
Because once you see your energy clearly, you stop trying to become someone else.
And everything changes.